College

I’m thinking ahead. I already have a plan for what’s going to happen when I start my own college. First things first, everybody will have to pass an IQ test. No ACT or SAT scores here, just good, old fashioned, IQ tests. If you’re afraid to take one, you’re automatically not accepted. I’m not saying that there’s a reason for the IQ test, besides seeing how smart the people are applying to my school. I will then look at the test for the coming year, and if you are in the 60th percentile or higher, then you can get in. If you are in the 50th – 60th percentile, you still have a chance though, it will just be a little bit tougher. For the next group of people that want to get in, they will have to come to a battle of wits. This isn’t your typical battle of wits, it will be something of a scavenger hunt, with the top 50% of this group being accepted. If you’re ever heard of the University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt, you have the right idea. The contestants will be given a list and have 48 hours to meet back wherever I deem appropriate. The contestants will then be judged for creativity and accuracy. There won’t be many rules to this scavenger hunt, just don’t get arrested. I want smart and creative people going to my school.

Once you get accepted, you can rest assured that you’re contest to get in to my college isn’t over yet. Some people might view my tactics as zany. Once I have enough money to start a college, though, I’ll just say screw them. Once you’re accepted, you’ll have to complete just one more challenge. I will have one random trivia question for each person, you will have 10 minutes to answer. If you get this right, congratulations,  you’re in.

Now that you’re in, I bet you’re praying that it was all worth it, don’t worry, it was. Classes aren’t going to be mandatory for my school. you can pay my school and not go to class, I don’t care. I’m not going to have rules about attendance. If you don’t want to go to class, that’s your problem not mine. My teachers, if they want a policy about that, they can. Another thing, the teachers can kick people out of class for basically whatever reason they want to. The teachers that I’m going to hire are going to have level heads on them… or are they. I’ll probably just look in the yellow pages and start asking people if they’ve ever wanted to be a teacher.

If you want to attend my college, you can start paying tuition now, and get a free ride in 10 – 15 years, but I need collateral for this college. If you have a spare house, that you would let me use as collateral for a school, I would love you forever.

~ by jakeneumann on August 6, 2008.